Home Again.

John is home. Miracle is not a word I use lightly, I don't believe in miracles in the slightest. But he bounced back, healed rapidly and is good to go. Still healing his trachy hole, needs to rebuild strength, but overall, an amazing recovery. He calls Larry about once a week, kinda cute to listen to the two of them chat in parallel.

Element 11 was four days of rain and mud. I had a tremendous time, but mobility was an issue. The NoCostco was great, but I need to run it a bit tighter. Most folks were gracious about what they took, but some people went whole hog, and others took things for gifts for people not even attending. I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, one gal took necklaces for folks in camp, lovely burners I know, but others took items to give to kids.family who would never attend a burn. There is no right or wrong here, but somehow the second set of "gifts" felt off-kilter. But I am glad we made people happy.

I developed a deep hacking asthma cough; Larry wouldn't let me near the fuels or smoke of the big burns. Came home exhausted and am still struggling with energy. My upper lip is completely broken out in cold sores. Ouchie. Love my Denevir.

The art isn't going well, nor the sewing, or planning. Even the housework and bills/paperwork move like molasses. I need to weed. I need to move. I need to be something other than a sad fossilized gnat encased in unforgiving amber. Dull amber at that.

Been a While.

I have no news of my nephew John since Jeremy went back to New York. One would think Sarah would answer her phone or return an email, but no, not so much. Unless I'm phoning into limbo? I must make an concerted effort, I guess.

We went to Cabo with Larry, free stay, free rental car, tons of free food. It was fun, beautiful resort, tons of love, but I didn't enjoy myself like I normally do. I will post pictures eventually.

I haven't got much in the way of art started. The NoCostCo project is simple, otherwise I'd not get it done. Feels like an obligation, not fun.

I do not feel like sewing or painting or making collages. My housework and gardening aren't up to my usual sub-par standards. My exercise and eating plan derailed; I gained back what I'd lost last month while in Cabo. People annoy me. I don't even want to watch TV. I want to play mindless video games and daydream.

Yep, I suspected I was depressed, now I'm pretty darn sure. I know what to do to shake it, just gotta get moving. Change the physical, the mental will follow. Plus do things like acknowledge my feelings, blog is a good place to start. I have been keeping my mouth shut a lot lately; mostly because I know I'm irritable and easily set off. Yes, this is different than my usual trigger points.

No docs, thanks, they prescribe meds which make me cotton-headed. I know what a therapist would say; I did begin graduate classes to be a family counselor. I found it too depressing. Seriously.

No worries, this isn't a huge deal, just another bump in the road. I still want to know what's around the bend, I ain't getting out of the car!

I'd call it Improvement, but we saw what happened last time.

My nephew is doing better, responding to treatment. he is out of the medically induced coma, but is still on a breathing tube (trachy-style) and so heavily sedated he may as well still be in the coma. I wouldn't call it "getting better", but it is positive progress. I'm just pessimistic lately.

My sailor nephew has three weeks at home. This is good, his mom needs him. After all, this is the son who lost his father, my brother, in 2008. Tough times, but he is a tough kid. Loves the Navy, loves being a nuke, he'll be alright in the long run. However he's going so far in the hole on his leave days that we won't see him for at least a year after prototype. Meh, he'll be busy on the boat no doubt. He did come over and we had a great visit. Beer and pizza and trash TV and talk, talk, talk, get three sailors in a room....

Nothing else of note, doing the garden, gearing up for Element 11, trying to get back to working out after that tumble down the stairs. I still have deep bruises on the sides of my knees. Doing okay on the eating plan, although I have had two meals out in the last week: Chinese at Golden Dynasty and Mexican (chicken mole burrito) at Javier's. Nummy, but I can tell they're bad for me. Ah well.

What? No, no more.

My nephew John is in ICU. Massive infection, renal failure, pneumonia. They have him in a medically induced coma. We will lose him, and we will lose him soon. He is only 23, disabled, lives in a group home. He probably has been ill for some time and didn't say anything. No one noticed? His brother is in NY, at Navy nuke prototype. I hope he can come home. But it may be too late.

Dammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Life and stuff.

Kwitcher bitchin, life is too short. Go get laid, hugged, drunk, whatever. Make some art, pick up some trash, dance, laugh, play. Be kind to animals and grumpy people slinging your grits. Tell people you love them, because even loners have those who care. Give a gift. Don't be a spectator.

Enjoy life, and if want you want isn't coming to you, get off your duff and go find it. Whatever it is. You don't need things, but if things make you happy, go for it. travel, or not. But laugh, laugh, laugh!

Open your eyes, open your heart. Love the world around you, for it is an amazing place, and you are an amazing piece of it. A plain life can be as joyful as a glamorous or exciting one, as long as you live it with spirit. Never let a day go by when you aren't thankful for the air you breathe and the heart which beats inside you. Find the wonder of the dawn, the glory of the moonlight. Or just enjoy a good movie and some delicious popcorn. Dance, even if it is only in your heart.

Okay, enough of the hokum. But I mean it. Don't overthink it, do it.

Farewell.

And now Kim is gone too. Just like that.


FUCK CANCER.

News

They say no news is good news. In my case, with this blog today, it means I am overwhelmed.