I think I am hitting a hard wall now I has less "adulting" to do, fewer immediate tasks, a lot of waiting. The sad is waiting to catch me unawares, and it did a fine job this day. I made a call, decided another didn't need to be made, put off Comcast some more. And then I had nothing to do but chores. Chores make me sad, because it feels unimportant now. I know, but I am in the everything feels futile phase.
I watered the front lawn this morning, which was sad because the corner sprinkler the neighbors run over needs attention. I have little idea of what to do.
I am sad because the metal recycle bucket is full, and I don't know how I'll do the cash recycling.
Breakfast made me sad. I am very nearly finished with the raspberry jam; it is the very last jar of Larry's terrific jam from our berries. The kitchen is making me sad because I got out the rice cereal and the marshmallows to make the treats Larry always made, but I just cannot.
Lunch made me sad because it was Larry's ham slices with green beans and rice. I think I've been avoiding meals like the ones we used to eat together. I have a lot of green beans, I hope they don't end up as cans of sadness forever.
I got my new credit card from NFCU and that made me sad because Larry is no longer on the account.
Simon got Larry's patch jacket today, and sent a picture. It fits him perfectly in every way, just as I knew it would. A wizard's cloak must go to another wizard. And that made me cry.
I packed up a box for a friend with a jacket which did not make me sad, but I put in the t-shirt Larry got for me at a truckstop with his rewards points. We were on a road trip to Lake Havasu. That was our very last vacation. The shirt made me sad and I never want to wear it.
I finally wrote to Lonny. Fucking sad. So fucking sad.
I watered the front lawn this morning, which was sad because the corner sprinkler the neighbors run over needs attention. I have little idea of what to do.
I am sad because the metal recycle bucket is full, and I don't know how I'll do the cash recycling.
Breakfast made me sad. I am very nearly finished with the raspberry jam; it is the very last jar of Larry's terrific jam from our berries. The kitchen is making me sad because I got out the rice cereal and the marshmallows to make the treats Larry always made, but I just cannot.
Lunch made me sad because it was Larry's ham slices with green beans and rice. I think I've been avoiding meals like the ones we used to eat together. I have a lot of green beans, I hope they don't end up as cans of sadness forever.
I got my new credit card from NFCU and that made me sad because Larry is no longer on the account.
Simon got Larry's patch jacket today, and sent a picture. It fits him perfectly in every way, just as I knew it would. A wizard's cloak must go to another wizard. And that made me cry.
I packed up a box for a friend with a jacket which did not make me sad, but I put in the t-shirt Larry got for me at a truckstop with his rewards points. We were on a road trip to Lake Havasu. That was our very last vacation. The shirt made me sad and I never want to wear it.
I finally wrote to Lonny. Fucking sad. So fucking sad.
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