Saturday, October 6, 2018

October is already so fucking hard.

I put away the summer silk flowers today, and got the autumn ones up in the living room and kitchen.  I just need to get the pumpkin tea set out and put it on the baker's rack, along with the squirrel and the squash.  I turned on the furnace today too, and put the kid skeleton on the front porch.

And then I burst into tears.

Larry should be on the roof, winterizing the swamp cooler.  He'd be putting away the blue glass gazing globes, and the yard ornaments, the egg, and globe, and turtle, and the glass solar lights.  We would be hanging up the Halloween decorations on the front of the house, and the lights in the big picture window.  Setting the fake pumpkins out.  Prepping the fire pit. Setting the diversion pipe for the rain barrel.  I should hear him rattling around, Arrow 103.5 on hs solar radio.

Next weekend we were supposed to have a couple romantic nights at Wolf Creek for his birthday.  Last year we were in Victoria.  How could we know it was the last big trip together?

Dammit.  I miss him so much.  None of this feels worthwhile alone.

Update: a lot of the chores are done; I have fabulous friends.  Still, Larry worked hard to keep our home and our stuff nice.  It takes damn near a village to replace him.

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