The Year of Firsts is being me now, the year of mourning what was lost. I lost so much more than MyLarry, I lost the future we had planned, I lost my identity as Mrs. Clayton, I lost being a housewife and intimate partner, I lost friends, I lost freedom and mobility.
As I understand it, the second year is the year of hard hitting reality. The truth is, while I can try to hire help, some "professionals" are better than others. The latests debacle with the sprinklers shows that. The basement did get water, I have probably lost the Persian carpet. The yard kid has stopped showing up, I will need another lawn care person. And until the e-bikes are moved, my backyard cannot be mowed. I need to clean the toolboxes myself. I need to get the bedding done and up myself. The carpets are filthy, and if I do not clean them myself, they will not be done. If Lolo pees on something, I get to clean it. The tub looks like someone murdered a grease monkey in there. It goes on and on. I can ask Desi to help with many things, but she cannot carry the load. She already does so very much, and I am so very grateful. The pretty promises of friends were well intentioned, but have all proven empty.
I have to maintain the house. There is no question of moving at this point. I am exhausted and afraid.
Larry didn't just have boundless energy and the ability to push through and the desire to get things done, he also kept me energized. Alone, I am so much less than who I was as a half of an outstanding partnership.
As I understand it, the second year is the year of hard hitting reality. The truth is, while I can try to hire help, some "professionals" are better than others. The latests debacle with the sprinklers shows that. The basement did get water, I have probably lost the Persian carpet. The yard kid has stopped showing up, I will need another lawn care person. And until the e-bikes are moved, my backyard cannot be mowed. I need to clean the toolboxes myself. I need to get the bedding done and up myself. The carpets are filthy, and if I do not clean them myself, they will not be done. If Lolo pees on something, I get to clean it. The tub looks like someone murdered a grease monkey in there. It goes on and on. I can ask Desi to help with many things, but she cannot carry the load. She already does so very much, and I am so very grateful. The pretty promises of friends were well intentioned, but have all proven empty.
I have to maintain the house. There is no question of moving at this point. I am exhausted and afraid.
Larry didn't just have boundless energy and the ability to push through and the desire to get things done, he also kept me energized. Alone, I am so much less than who I was as a half of an outstanding partnership.
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