Everything in increments, and still riding the waves and the rolls, the unexpected pitfalls and holes beneath my feet.
The anger is showing up. I don't like the hot spiky feeling, like a sweater full of prickly spiky things against my skin. Larry, why did you need to keep every stupid thing? The plastic hamper I asked you to toss. The dead batteries for your drills. Every scrap of wood in the world? And where is your kitten bowtie?
I forgot to pay the credit card bill. Only missed by a day, I don't see an interest charge, but have the feeling it is there. Lost my Amazon points for the month. $18 isn't much, but it stings. I was always on top of things.
His birthday was Monday, and I think I shut my head off for a couple days. I got a couple little things done, and Nate came and did the swamp cooler, and helped with the rain barrel. The Mother Art Box is done, the teak roll up table is in progress, and the Gift Box is next. A little at a time. Not enough, Never enough.
Lonny called, but we got cut off. There's a letter on the way, I will be able to write one back. I will cry. I am getting sick of crying.
I ran out of bread and didn't feel like making pancakes or waffles, so I went down and moved stuff off the deep freeze. Sometimes there's bread in there. There was a bag of the long rolls Larry used to get from the clearance rack at Smith's for his sandwiches. Yes, I cried. The rolls, the hot dogs, all the stuff which is more Larry food than my food. Damn freezer made me cry.
So much is changing. Sears closed before he died, Dean's Automotive is closing so his parking space for the semi was gone. Golden Dynasty is closed. Nate says the WalMart runs are gone, so his work schedule would have changed drastically. I feel like the whole world has shifted around me in time with Larry's passing.
I miss him so much.
The anger is showing up. I don't like the hot spiky feeling, like a sweater full of prickly spiky things against my skin. Larry, why did you need to keep every stupid thing? The plastic hamper I asked you to toss. The dead batteries for your drills. Every scrap of wood in the world? And where is your kitten bowtie?
I forgot to pay the credit card bill. Only missed by a day, I don't see an interest charge, but have the feeling it is there. Lost my Amazon points for the month. $18 isn't much, but it stings. I was always on top of things.
His birthday was Monday, and I think I shut my head off for a couple days. I got a couple little things done, and Nate came and did the swamp cooler, and helped with the rain barrel. The Mother Art Box is done, the teak roll up table is in progress, and the Gift Box is next. A little at a time. Not enough, Never enough.
Lonny called, but we got cut off. There's a letter on the way, I will be able to write one back. I will cry. I am getting sick of crying.
I ran out of bread and didn't feel like making pancakes or waffles, so I went down and moved stuff off the deep freeze. Sometimes there's bread in there. There was a bag of the long rolls Larry used to get from the clearance rack at Smith's for his sandwiches. Yes, I cried. The rolls, the hot dogs, all the stuff which is more Larry food than my food. Damn freezer made me cry.
So much is changing. Sears closed before he died, Dean's Automotive is closing so his parking space for the semi was gone. Golden Dynasty is closed. Nate says the WalMart runs are gone, so his work schedule would have changed drastically. I feel like the whole world has shifted around me in time with Larry's passing.
I miss him so much.
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