I didn't mean to miss most of May, and all of June and July.
Still struggling, there are good days an bad. I try to go to the movies once a week, and I always take little Loki. My weight is down a bit. I am still spending too much money. I have most of the "death chore" done.
In June, we had the regional burn. I took some of Larry's items, and Fire Tribe ceremonially placed them in his paper urn, which we placed in the Temple, along with several photos. Watching it burn felt good and right. The Big Burn is next.
I did go to New Orleans for a Reddit met up of r/widowers. Five of us had a very fine dinner, and talked and talked. We shared pictures, and there was a good bit of laughter. I explored a tiny bit on my own, mostly in the French Quarter. Beignets at Cafe du Monde, a fantastic brunch at Kingfish. There's much to do, perhaps I will visit again.'
Prepping for Burning Man, but my heart is not in it. I am not making decisions for the future now, but the futility is overpowering.
The oddest things will set me off. Today it was the ramen spoons in the cupboard. I only need one now. As I hot the 11 month anniversary, it is sinking in harder and harder; I will never see Larry again. Ever. Perhaps a few appearances in dreams, but I will never have him walk in the back door again, or be fixing and working out in the yard, no comfortable companionable road trips. No Larry ever. The reality is harsh. Some say the second year is harder, and I am beginning to believe it.
Still struggling, there are good days an bad. I try to go to the movies once a week, and I always take little Loki. My weight is down a bit. I am still spending too much money. I have most of the "death chore" done.
In June, we had the regional burn. I took some of Larry's items, and Fire Tribe ceremonially placed them in his paper urn, which we placed in the Temple, along with several photos. Watching it burn felt good and right. The Big Burn is next.
I did go to New Orleans for a Reddit met up of r/widowers. Five of us had a very fine dinner, and talked and talked. We shared pictures, and there was a good bit of laughter. I explored a tiny bit on my own, mostly in the French Quarter. Beignets at Cafe du Monde, a fantastic brunch at Kingfish. There's much to do, perhaps I will visit again.'
Prepping for Burning Man, but my heart is not in it. I am not making decisions for the future now, but the futility is overpowering.
The oddest things will set me off. Today it was the ramen spoons in the cupboard. I only need one now. As I hot the 11 month anniversary, it is sinking in harder and harder; I will never see Larry again. Ever. Perhaps a few appearances in dreams, but I will never have him walk in the back door again, or be fixing and working out in the yard, no comfortable companionable road trips. No Larry ever. The reality is harsh. Some say the second year is harder, and I am beginning to believe it.
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