Sunday wrecked me. I turned on the TV, and tried to watch Sunday Morning on CBS. The 2018 retrospective and the Memorium pieces were too much, plus memories of our lazy weekends. I spent the day crying. I wept into the yogurt I was making. I'd planned to put things away, but I was immobilized. I don't think I have cried this much to date. Ate half a gummy and dozed in front of the basement TV with the old movie channel on. Why is no one outraged by Gigi these days? How awful. Know the problem with edibles? I stopped crying, but I was still sad, and had the raging munchies. Then I had a headache. Then I cried a lot more. Came upstairs and dozed through hours of Law and Order. This is no good life at all.
I am lonely, the day to day lonely. I want to share things with him, have him around doing little chores, taking a drive, running some errands. Honey, look at this video. Hun, bring the laundry up. Hun, did you see? Have you heard? How was your run? Did you take your pills? How's your hands? Let me cut your hair. What do we want for dinner? Random hugs in the kitchen.
Having people around is not the solution, but it might help. Going out in this freezing weather is not feasible, even with a scarf, it irritates my lungs. I'll probably try to snag a few more things in, make sure the birdfeeder is full. No way am I going to get anything heavy done. I certainly do not want to go to parties. Drunk and sad and trapped at someone else's home is unappealing.
My hernia area is hurting. Yay, just what I need. I only had surgery in July, so too soon, far too soon. If I cannot handle the kitty litter and laundry, I am in trouble. No one is going to come by daily for this and that. So in addition to being sad, I am scared.
I just want Larry back. Otherwise, I'm ready to quit. No, not that, never that. But being this alone with no other prospects ahead is awful. Supposedly it gets better, and I have plans to become engaged with the world, but I simply cannot do a thing this day, this week.
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