I do not think of myself as strong. I saw the word "resilient" and that's the one. I keep going. I am sad and distraught and I want to scream and tears appear seemingly at random, brought on by the most trivial things, but I keep ticking. Not quickly, slow and up and down, but onward. There is nothing else.
I finally cooked a dinner for myself. I mistimed it and ate the baked sweet potato while the chicken was cooking, but it was okay. Taking out the foil to line the pan made me cry. Larry used foil in the camp stove. I wonder how much he has stashed away.
The final DFAS check came in, the "arrears" one. And that is that.
The backyard is full of leaves again, now leaves which have an inch of snow on top. Larry would not have let that happen. The front gutter still drips. I have half a useless freezer taking up space out back.
Colby is coming to fix the furnace this afternoon. I know he'll give me a fair price, but money scares me. So much.
America First is addressing everything to Howard. I thought we took care of that. Damn.
There's a couple charges on the Visa. Trying to decide if I need to pay or screw them. I am thinking screw them. I'm screwed because I can't get that card in my name. Thanks a fucking lot.
There may be roof lights tomorrow. We shall see if promises are kept, if people show up. I have doubts. So many good intentions falling like the maple leaves out back, shriveled and yellowed.
Onward, because I have nowhere else to go.
I finally cooked a dinner for myself. I mistimed it and ate the baked sweet potato while the chicken was cooking, but it was okay. Taking out the foil to line the pan made me cry. Larry used foil in the camp stove. I wonder how much he has stashed away.
The final DFAS check came in, the "arrears" one. And that is that.
The backyard is full of leaves again, now leaves which have an inch of snow on top. Larry would not have let that happen. The front gutter still drips. I have half a useless freezer taking up space out back.
Colby is coming to fix the furnace this afternoon. I know he'll give me a fair price, but money scares me. So much.
America First is addressing everything to Howard. I thought we took care of that. Damn.
There's a couple charges on the Visa. Trying to decide if I need to pay or screw them. I am thinking screw them. I'm screwed because I can't get that card in my name. Thanks a fucking lot.
There may be roof lights tomorrow. We shall see if promises are kept, if people show up. I have doubts. So many good intentions falling like the maple leaves out back, shriveled and yellowed.
Onward, because I have nowhere else to go.
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