For the first time in years, my brother's family has invited me to the annual trip to the all you can eat buffet for Thanksgiving (the one which once gave me food poisoning bad enough I had to go to the ER, yay). One niece is picking me up, and will pay my way. I will go, I will be pleasant and appreciative. But if Larry were alive, I'd not have heard from them. Pity turkey. I have a second invitation in the evening, but from someone who usually invites us, sometimes with Larry, sometimes without. I will go there too. But I know damn well it is pity turkey. I imagine it tastes something like ashes.
I am not okay today. I made the mistake of calling the bank about my main credit card. It is in Larry's name, not mine. Used for everything, I am screwed without it. Fortunately, I do have one card in my name, and got almost everything swapped over to it, or to my checking account. I will miss the Amazon points, and cannot go to Costco until or unless I get a Visa card. I was going to let the membership go, I won't need it. I was going to stock up on trash bags and paper towels though! I am worried about money. I should be alright, but I don't know, not for sure. As long as I don't lose the house, as long as the heat and lights and water stay on. As long as I can care for the cats.
Calling so many places, trying to get through the tangle of passwords onlines, site after site. Not impossible, but wearing. I am worried about the furnace, about the fireplace, although I may have found someone for that. Worried about the damn leaves, the garden, the raspberry canes. Worried about all the crap which need to go to the dump or just away. Worried about the cats' medicines. Worried that my house will never have Larry's Christmas lights on the roof again. Ever.
What do you need? Just call, we'll be there. Let us come help. We won't forget you.
Riiight. I do have people who come to help, I love and appreciate their time and muscle power, but it is going into the holiday. They are busy, they have family, they have plans, they have stuff to do. I understand. But for all the others, the easy words have come and gone. I don't expect anything like the gift cards and donations, that was clear in my mind it was an initial outpouring of sympathy and true care, true love for Larry. Now? If I needed food delivered, sure, maybe. Not what I need. I need hours of help with grubby tasks out in the cold and the dirt. No one wants to do anything so unglamorous.
I am forgotten.
I am not okay today. I made the mistake of calling the bank about my main credit card. It is in Larry's name, not mine. Used for everything, I am screwed without it. Fortunately, I do have one card in my name, and got almost everything swapped over to it, or to my checking account. I will miss the Amazon points, and cannot go to Costco until or unless I get a Visa card. I was going to let the membership go, I won't need it. I was going to stock up on trash bags and paper towels though! I am worried about money. I should be alright, but I don't know, not for sure. As long as I don't lose the house, as long as the heat and lights and water stay on. As long as I can care for the cats.
Calling so many places, trying to get through the tangle of passwords onlines, site after site. Not impossible, but wearing. I am worried about the furnace, about the fireplace, although I may have found someone for that. Worried about the damn leaves, the garden, the raspberry canes. Worried about all the crap which need to go to the dump or just away. Worried about the cats' medicines. Worried that my house will never have Larry's Christmas lights on the roof again. Ever.
What do you need? Just call, we'll be there. Let us come help. We won't forget you.
Riiight. I do have people who come to help, I love and appreciate their time and muscle power, but it is going into the holiday. They are busy, they have family, they have plans, they have stuff to do. I understand. But for all the others, the easy words have come and gone. I don't expect anything like the gift cards and donations, that was clear in my mind it was an initial outpouring of sympathy and true care, true love for Larry. Now? If I needed food delivered, sure, maybe. Not what I need. I need hours of help with grubby tasks out in the cold and the dirt. No one wants to do anything so unglamorous.
I am forgotten.
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